I’m going to explain about 2 different people. 2 people with anger issues. But very different anger issues. For the purposes of this story, I will call the 1st person Jack and the 2nd person Jane.
Jack and Jane are living together, and have a child called Rosey. Rosey, only being young, doesn’t understand why her parents get angry at her, and well, the world at large. She can’t possibly understand, but I will come back to Rosey at the end of the story.

Jack’s anger and passive aggressiveness
Jack is a typical bloke, trying to get ahead in life, working as a tradesman and copping all of life’s typical stressors. Bills, school fees, medical expenses etc. Jack is pretty normal really, and looking back at his childhood, he felt mostly nurtured by his parents, not experiencing any great traumas. It was a typical childhood where he had to fend for himself a lot of the time and learn through the school of hard knocks.  But, Jack as an adult, gets angry. And he really hates it and is desperate to get control over it.

Jack’s anger builds. It’s the sort of anger that can take even a couple of days to reach the surface. In fact, he’s so good at suppressing it sometimes, that this anger can build for months. But when it unleashes, the effect that it has on himself is almost nebulous compared to the effect it has on Jane and Rosey’s feelings of safety and beliefs about what is causing this rage. Of course, they usually rationalise in their brain, that it is, their fault.

Jack’s anger is a slow burn. Symptoms build and build like a crescendo. The teeth clenching and jaw tightening heightens until that final trigger of a stressed nervous system is overloaded, and he just can’t hold it in any longer. The resentment he has been holding inside of him can’t be contained any longer.

Jane’s story of PTSD and lack of self-worth
Jane is a woman doing her best but life is a bit of a struggle, modelled by her own parents who were reasonably ‘absent’ in her life growing up. She had the basic needs met, but by no means did Jane ever feel completely loved for who she was, as a child. It was conditional. It was a matter of walking on egg shells making sure that she wasn’t in the firing line of abuse from her immediate family, or that she did something to displease them so that their ‘love’ would be taken away from her.

The crucial element to Jane’s upbringing is, that she never felt safe. Decades of neglect, and verbal abuse set up a raw and fragmented nervous system, not to mention limiting beliefs about her self-worth. She didn’t have the ability to discern that her caregivers were completely disconnected from their own source of love, and her unconscious brain took on their bad days, as her own. Day after day, year after year. Believing, it must be her fault. “If my own family can’t treat me with love and respect, then I must be a pretty awful human” was a belief that gained momentum in her disassociated and fragmented sense of self. She became so disconnected, from herself, that it was as if she almost lived outside of her body, most of the time.

Jane the wife, mother and worker.
Jane barely feels like she copes most days, but she gives it her best go. The difference between Jack and Jane is, Jane’s anger comes out of the blue like a lit match to petrol. Rosey, knows this, all too well, above anyone else. The kids tend to cop it, don’t they? It’s the sort of anger that one minute everything is, sort of normal, and the next, Mt Vesuvius has erupted. But the thing is, Jane has almost little, to NO control over this anger.

She knows, that Rosey or any human (or animal for that matter) does not deserve to be on the other end of this anger. It takes over her, and although she knows that what is about to come out of her mouth is nefarious to her daughter and her husband, Jane, really cannot stop this sort of anger. This is the anger of PTSD. And the guilt that comes along with it, is unbearable. She wants this to stop so badly, but she just doesn’t know how.

In anger management classes, among other things, they teach you to control your symptoms as they arise, which would work ok for Jack, but not for Jane. Jane does not get any warning. One minute life is okay, and the next, it is quite another scenario.

Should Jack go to anger management classes? Sure, it couldn’t hurt – however he still has subconscious programming about past events that haven’t been coded properly in his brain, causing the anger to still perpetuate. In effect, he’d be ‘managing’ his anger as the process suggests. Can he get rid of this passive aggressiveness completely? Yes, he can. The most effective way is by a process called The Richards Trauma Process (TRTP) completed in 3-4 sessions.

Should Jane go to anger management classes? No. It will be a complete waste of time. In fact, it may and probably would traumatise her some more, because she would no doubt view that her anger is different to the others. And it is. And then, these classes would most likely set her up for more failure further enhancing her limiting beliefs that, she is broken and that she is a bad person. And, that there’s something very wrong with her.

Jack and Jane are not bad people. They are living with unhealed trauma.

Here’s the thing. There is ABSOLUTELY nothing inherently wrong with Jane or Jack for that matter. Their brains have protected them to the best of their ability, but the distressing events of their childhoods (and adulthood) are still playing out in their subconscious minds as if these horrible events are happening now. Yes, they are still happening now, and they are not feeling SAFE.

Help is available, but the real victim in this story, I feel, is Rosey. If you have a loved one or a child that is often on the back end of this rage, please consider taking action for their mental health as well as your own.

Hurt people hurt people, so let’s stop the chain of pain.

If you can relate to the story above and you’ve had enough of letting anger destroy not only your life, but the lives of those living with you, email Rachael Doolan from Mind Body Resolutions info@mindbodyresolutions.com.au. Together, we can put a stop to it once and for all, utilising cutting edge technology targeting the subconscious mind, where the anger is stored. There IS a way to permanently be rid of this anger and passive aggression without even telling me your story. TRTP isn’t talk therapy.

Rachael is a dedicated Neurolinguistic Programmer, Hypnotherapist and Trauma Specialist (TRTP) living in Thornlands, Brisbane. She has a passion for teaching her clients how to re-wire the synaptic pathways in the brain by encompassing the Mind & Body Connection and ridding debilitating conditions such as Anxiety, Depression, PTSD and C-PTSD once and for all with an incredibly successful & powerful 3-4 session process. Rachael is proficient in the language of the unconscious mind.
Rachael is also diligent in Soul Evolution and Self-Realisation and is living her purpose of leading others to freedom from the constraints of their mind and past. This comes, first and foremost, from successfully transcending her own 3 decades of C-PTSD & traumas as well as showing great determination to heal 17 years of chronic Lyme disease. Head over to
www.mindbodyresolutions.com.au to make contact with Rachael today.